October 17, 2011

And all the bells are rolling out for you
And stones are all erupting out for you
And all the cheap bloodsuckers are flying after you

Andy Warhol, A Boy for Meg, 1962

* Advice from the 1971 best-seller by "M," "the sensuous man:"

-- from a chapter titled "What Turns a Women Off"

"The Bad Timer

Many men get refused not because they are lousy lovers, but because their timing is bad -- and this includes thousands of husbands. Tune in to what she's doing a few minutes before you pounce. If the sink is overflowing, your youngest child has just broken and swallowed his front tooth, the oldest is smoking pot on the front porch, her bridge club is due any minute, and that's when you walk in and grab her, is it any wonder that she refuses you? Being rather small-minded and inconsiderate, she may not be able to juggle thirteen crises and ball you at the same time. How would you like it if she walked into your office while you were trying to meet a deadline on an important report and started making passes? Unless you're the coolest exec going, you wouldn't be able to get it up. Timing is of the essence."

-- from "miscellaneous turn-offs"

4. Careless smokers, who burn holes in women's clothes, upholstery, and rugs. These junior pyromaniacs wield cigarettes like torches, dropping ashes on rugs, grinding butts out on table tops, resting lit cigars on the lady's coat. And, to top it all, they give the lady a kiss and an embrace while holding a lit cigarette behind her back. Result: one burned dress. If you smoke, be considerate and be careful. Any rule of Smokey the Bear goes just as strongly at home as in the forest.

5. Men who don't say who they are on the telephone. "Guess who?" Guessing games are strickly for preschoolers. If you're a good lover, she'll recognize your voice eventually, but in the beginning say, "Hi, Mary, this is Bob Soandso."

* Charles Bukowski reads Something for The Touts, The Nuns, The Grocery Clerks And You.

* If you haven't seen it: Cocksucker's Blues, "the film the Stongs still don't want you to see."

* "I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians." -- Charles de Gaulle.


Anonymous klipschutz said...

The Buk poem is one of my favorites. Ambitious, magisterial, guttural and my-aim-is-true rolled into one, and somehow, despite my ignorance of classical music, I'm pretty sure it's symphonic. He listened to that stuff when composing, right?

1:35 PM  

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