September 18, 2006

I get a buzz from being cold and wet
The pleasure seems to balance out the pain

Diane Arbus, Albino sword swallower at a carnival, Md. 1970

* Top ten conservative idiots. excerpt:

"1. GOP Hypocrites

"Last week Our Great Leader interrupted prime-time programming on the fifth anniversary of 9/11 in order to send an important message to America. The message: I have no frickin' clue what I'm doing.

"Bush told the nation that 'America did not ask for this war, and every American wishes it were over.' Damn straight America did not ask for this war. The Bush administration wanted it and they did everything in their power to make sure they got it: they lied their butts off about weapons of mass destruction, they lied about Saddam Hussein's connections to al Qaeda, they lied about the ease with which the war would be won, and they lied about the cost.

"Oh, but wait - which war is he talking about again? The war in Iraq or the war on terror? Are they the same thing? Or not? It's really hard to tell when Bush keeps jumbling them together like soggy clothes in a spindryer.

"'Winning this war will require the determined efforts of a unified country,' said President Numbnuts, 'So we must put aside our differences and work together to meet the test that history has given us.'

"Put aside our differences... so how's that going? Well, Democrats had barely had a chance to open their mouths before House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Naturally) heeded Bush's call for unity by announcing that, 'I listen to my Democrat friends, and I wonder if they're more interested in protecting terrorists than in protecting the American people.'

"Wow! Now that's what I call putting aside your differences. Hey John, why don't you take that 'unity' and cram it up your ass?

"Next up was Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Obviously) who said that any criticism of George W. Bush or his Iraq policies 'gives comfort to the enemy.' And 'If you embolden the enemy, you are hurting our cause.' So I guess when the Republicans talk about 'unity' it really means either we all unite behind Dubya's utter failure of a presidency, or the terrorists win. Sometimes I think it must be nice to live in the GOP's black-and-white fantasyland. So cozy and safe.

"Finally, it was left to Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Fecal Matter) to put the icing on the cake. 'If you listen to the Democratic leader,' he said, 'our lesson is: Let's put domestic politics ahead of the security of this country. That's the message.'

"Makes sense. I guess if the Democrats hadn't been wasting everybody's time with gay marriage, flag burning, Terri Schiavo, and the war on Christmas, the Republican-controlled Congress could have carried out the recommendations of the 9/11 Commission by now."

* David Neiwert on the useful enemy. excerpt:

"It's becoming increasingly clear, I think, why Osama bin Laden is still at large: Because George W. Bush needs him to be.

"It's not a pretty thought. But it's the only one that makes sense."

* "I have not written day after day because I desire the world to be covered with Greek statues and masterpieces. The man who has such a desire does exist in me. But I have written so much because I cannot keep from being drawn towards everyday life, towards those, whoever they may be, who are humiliated. They need to hope and, if all keep silent, they will be forever deprived of hope and we with them." --Camus


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