June 26, 2006

traveling light gonna speed through the night

between something and nothing, by dronepop.

* Top ten conservative idiots. excerpt:

7. Dick Cheney

"The beauty of this whole labor camp idea is that it could be used as an effective tool against all kinds of troublemakers, not just illegal immigrants. Take Steven Howards, for example, who was arrested in the presence of Dick Cheney at an economic summit in Vail, Colorado, last week. What kind of mischief was Howards up to? According to the Secret Service, he 'wasn't acting like the other folks in the area,' and 'his behavior and demeanor wasn't quite right.'

"The Secret Service declined to describe how the other folks in the area were acting, nor did they explain what 'wasn't quite right' about Howards' demeanor. Nonetheless, according to the Vail Daily News, 'officials are reviewing possible federal charges.' Send him to the labor camps, I say! We can't have people going around acting differently when the vice president is in town. (Especially not the executive directors of established non-profit environmental organizations.)

"But the good news is that Dick Cheney won't end up out of pocket while taking part in these distressing appearances where people occasionally act differently near him. This week he's going to be in Grand Island, Nebraska, to raise money for Adrian Smith, the Republican nominee for the 3rd Congressional District race, where taxpayers will be footing the bill for his security. Likewise, he was in Nashville last month for an event which raised a quarter of a million dollars 'toward Republicans' efforts in the 2006 mid-term elections, along with campaigns to get out the vote.' Taxpayers had to shell out for that one too.

"But if you're a taxpayer who's concerned that Dick Cheney is taking your hard earned cash in order to raise money for Republican candidates and would like to show up at one of these events and let him know, be careful - apparently the First Amendment doesn't cover people who aren't 'acting like other folks in the area' these days."

* The Rude Pundit: Why Bill O'Reilly Ought To Be Sodomized With a Microphone, Part 1841 (With a Side Note on the Need To Drop a Nude Laura Ingraham in the Middle of Taliban Territory). excerpt:

"Here's a question Bill O'Reilly actually asked Laura Ingraham on his Fox 'News' show this week: 'Do you think Howard Dean helps the enemy?' This was followed by O'Reilly asking Ingraham if she thinks Jack Murtha and Jimmy Carter help the enemy. And how are these fine American men 'helping the enemy?'

"See, if Howard Dean was sending cologne bottles filled with anthrax to Osama Bin Laden and Jack Murtha was selling Kalashnikovs on the streets of Basra and Jimmy Carter was teaching the Taliban how to better fuck captured enemy asses 'Deliverance'-style (it all has to do with a technique more suited to donkeys than goats), well, then we'd have somethin' to talk about. But here's the nutzoid rantings of O'Reilly on what treason Jimmy Carter has wrought: 'He signs the torture ad along with the reverends, and the torture ad, as I told the reverend, shows up in the Arab press.'

"And then Ingraham, not to be topped in her self-immolating hatred of Democratic ex-Presidents, slithered, 'Nobel Prize-winner criticizing the United States', like, torture policy, which of course, as you pointed out, we do not have a torture policy in the United States.' How dare a Nobel Peace Prize winner agitate for, say, peace and justice. They should all be like Henry Kissinger or Yasser Arafat, hardcore motherfuckers who'll wave a white hankie with one hand and drive the other fist up the asses of refugees and/or children and be damned proud that they took their Nobel Peace Prizes while advocating mass murder.

"No, no, Murtha, Dean, and Carter are vile fuckers, as is the Red Cross. No, really, according to O'Reilly, the International Red Cross 'I submit is the reason that the three Al-Qaeda suspects committed suicide, because International Red Cross told the Americans you've got to give them privacy and tape up the window and they did. And you take up the window, you can't see in. They can go hang themselves.' That's right. According to O'Reilly, who, of course, has recently said he'd run Iraq with all the vicious force of Saddam Hussein, the reason why the Gitmo detainees offed themselves was because no one could watch them do it.

"Watching O'Reilly and Ingraham 'discuss' what they consider the fine line between dissent and treason (if by 'fine line,' you mean 'no line') is a little like watching a pair of scorpions about to fuck. Male and female scorpions extend their pincers and lock together, pulling back and forth. It's a kind of dance wherein the male drops a packet o' sperm that the female will get hooked into into her scorpion cooter. It's kind of cool and sick at the same time, and, despite whatever scientific observations can be made, you just end up feeling disgusted and sad at the end."

* "War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. How is the world ruled and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists and then believe what they read." - Karl Kraus (1874-1936)

* A brilliant goal.


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