August 1, 2005

I don't like Mondays

photograph by gluelabs

* Top ten conservative idiots. excerpt:

"8. The Bush Administration

"The war is over! Huzzah! Or perhaps, 'Mission Accomplished,' if you will! Yes, the 'War On Terror' is officially over. Don't get too excited though - this doesn't mean that we'll be pulling troops out of Iraq, or that terrorists will stop blowing the crap out of people all over the world - you see, the Bush Administration has simply decided that it's time for a corporate re-branding.

"So henceforth the 'War on Terror' is now the 'Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism.' Don't look for any administration officials to use the word 'war' any time soon, unless it's a slip of the tongue. Instead you'll all be hearing about the 'struggle' against terrorists, or the 'struggle' against extremism, or the 'struggle' against violent ideologies, or whatever. See, a 'struggle' just sounds so much more, I don't know - winnable - than a war which has been going on for some years now and which the American people have now decided we ain't winning.

"And let's not forget the ongoing military recruitment disaster. Hey, what would you prefer to sign up for - a 'war' in which you might get your legs blown off by a rocket-propelled grenade, or a 'struggle' where the worst injury you might reasonably expect to receive is from a noogie, or perhaps a Chinese burn?"

"But whatever you want to call it - 'War on Terror,' 'Struggle Against Extremism,' 'Vietnam Part Deux,' '21st Century Oil Grab,' or 'Crusade Against Brown People,' I think I'm still going to stick with my old favorite, 'Clusterfuck of Epic Proportions.'"

* Researchers say emails hurt IQ more than pot. excerpt:

"Workers distracted by phone calls, e-mails and text messages suffer a greater loss of IQ than a person smoking marijuana, a British study shows.

"The constant interruptions reduce productivity and leave people feeling tired and lethargic, according to a survey carried out by TNS Research and commissioned by Hewlett Packard.

"The survey of 1,100 Britons showed:

" --Almost two out three people check their electronic messages out of office hours and when on holiday

" --Half of all workers respond to an e-mail within 60 minutes of receiving one

" --One in five will break off from a business or social engagement to respond to a message.

"Nine out of 10 people thought colleagues who answered messages during face-to-face meetings were rude, while three out of 10 believed it was not only acceptable, but a sign of diligence and efficiency."

* "Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid." -- frank zappa

* "Music is a moral law - it gives wings to the mind, a soul to the universe, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, a life to everything." -- plato


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