July 14, 2004

In 14 months I only smiled once and it didn't come naturally

* Yo La Tengo will be playing two shows at New York's Anthology Film Archives this Friday night, accompanying the light show of Gary Panter and Joshua White. Yo La will be "behind the screen, improvising away."

* Dong Resin on progress. excerpt:

"I mostly brew my own coffee, and when I buy it from the outside I peel off those increasingly more complex lids and just drink straight from the cup like an adult.

"Listen, I don't know why coffee suddenly comes in a 24 ounce breast, but I really don't have time for this shit. Having to get my caffeine fix from a cup with a picture of Shrek 2! on it is infantilizing enough, I don't need the full on oedipal Freudian jive of a freakn' nipple on my formerly masculine cup of joe.

"I think that's the put-off for me, that what used to come in a ceramic mug with a metal spoon sticking out of it is now basically a 24 once sippy cup designed to be consumed by Pugsly Addams while resting between the twin hams that are his man-boobs as he navigates his SUV.
It's not cool, it's a another small slide in the wrong direction."

* The General, J.C. Patriot, speaks out on the Homosexual Discrimination Amendment. excerpt:

"...Anyway, we have to put an end to these mistaken impressions about me. That's why I'm asking you to add a provision for separate restrooms for homosexuals. Such segregation will prevent these misunderstandings in the future.

"Heck, you might as well go for separate water fountains while you're at it. The very thought that a homosexual may have placed his lips and tongue on the same stream of water I'm using causes me to have strange and often impure thoughts. It would be best if we segregated them too.

"I also hope that you're not forgetting the ladies in this amendment. I just learned that they can be homosexuals too. I've always thought that was an urban legend because everybody knows ladies don't have little soldiers, but I learned the truth when I picked up a video called Hot Lebanese Action.

"I thought it was a movie about our war on Islam, but it wasn't. It was a video of naked homosexual women putting their mouths on each other's naughty place. I think they might have been biting each other given all the squirming, moaning, and screaming that was going on. It sure didn't look like they were enjoying it to me. I know my wife never acted that way when we performed our marital duty."


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