December 15, 2005

seems like everywhere I go the sky is falling


Washington, D.C., October #8, 1964, by Edward Corbett

* Sakebomb on what its like to be a guest on live tv:

"One thing we will say: Live TV is the single weirdest fucking thing you can do with your time, as it relies on each participant sticking to a series of peculiar mannerisms and conventions which, if executed in real life, would make one look absolutely bobcatshit crazy. In a studio show where there are two or more guests and a host, each participant is isolated in a different building, with the pundits perched in a sweat lodge with a generic background tacked up behind them and the black maw of a camera pointed up their respective nostrils.

"While your opponent launches attacks from New Jersey or wherever, you just sort of sit there, trying to appear brittly composed and smiling at the air in front of you like an old man thinking back on how great it was when gasoline was 5¢ a gallon and he still had full use of his penis. Because the camera can alight back on your face without a moment’s notice, you sort of have to keep this dazed Laura Bush look on your puss, while trying to think of a blistering, yet witty salvo to fire back in your own defense, even though what you are doing is essentially talking to yourself in a dark room while about 114,000 people watch you struggle with not calling Tucker Carlson** a douchebag, let’s say.

"And then you get those little oral spasms that can range anywhere from the setting and resetting of one’s mouth into a thoughtful moue to the kind of ragged and abrupt contortions of the mouth that are so severe that it looks as though you’re doing breathing exercises to prepare for, say, Tosca or something. And there’s also the weird hand gestures you use to punctuate even the most banal thought, like you’re Clinton working your way up to a blowjob denial. 'You know, Tucker [emphatic fist pump, thumb clenched over knuckle of first finger], I think what you’re going to find in 2006 [fist stops pumping as monitor spied out of the corner of the field of one’s vision reveals that you are engaged in something that looks suspiciously like the Universal Whack-Off Gesture] is a reinvigoration of the traditional blah blah blah [fist opens up, palm is turned to the host as if you’re offering him a Tic-Tac]….' Etc."

* Another reason to dislike Disney: They plan to rewrite Winnie the Pooh, replacing Christopher Robin with a red-haired six-year-old tomboy.

* Check out Skimble's second annual christmas special.

* Excellent flash animation of Momus' bantam boys.

* the caribbean head out of town for shows this weekend in Charlottesville and Norfolk. If you are nearby, check them out:

-- Friday, December 16th: Twisted Tea Bazaar, Charlottesville, Virginia (9:30pm)

-- Saturday, December 17th: Relative Theory Records, Norfolk, VA (8pm)

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